I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids. Growing up in a traditional household, this was what was expected of me as a woman. But it’s also what I wanted. What I still want. I’m almost 40 and, by the world’s standards, time seems to be running out. I’ve felt disappointed, sad, scared (my biological clock is ticking!), resigned, etc. I’ve also prayed the Word of God over it (Prov 13:12; Eccl 4:9-10). Below are a few of the questions I’ve pondered (and the answers God has given me).
- “How will I know I’ve met him?” I didn’t even realize I was writing this post on Valentine’s Day until I went to write about what God told me last Valentine’s Day: “You will know you have met your husband when you can serve me better with him than without him.” If you’re wondering if the man or woman you’re dating is “the one,” you might want to take this into consideration: can you serve God better with them than without them?
- “The list.” Has anyone ever told you to make a list of all the things you’re looking for in a future spouse? Honestly, I hate this. Most of us don’t know what we want, or we want the wrong things. God should be making our list. I’ve tried to do the list and it mostly just looked dumb and superficial. But, near the end of last year, God told me to look for someone with a “Shepherd’s heart.” That was so refreshing to hear. I love a shepherd’s heart. I looked up the characteristics of shepherds in the Bible and started making my “list” according to what God’s Word says about shepherds. Thankfully, there are many great examples of good shepherds in Scripture. I’ll share some of those in a later post.
- “What about me?” So, if he’s a shepherd, am I a sheep? Maybe. We’re all part of The Good Shepherd’s flock. This would tie into Ephesians 5:22 and 25: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord (sheep)…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (shepherd).” I don’t really mind the submitting part, I just don’t love the sheep analogy. I raised sheep as a teenager. They’re not bright. But instead of focusing too much on my wounded pride, I’ve decided to focus on what sheep (Christians) should exemplify and have been studying the Sermon on the Mount, the Fruit of the Spirit, and other such passages. I’ve been compiling/editing/ghostwriting a book for someone and was reading through some of this person’s content to include in the book. She basically asks the classic interview question, “Why should we hire you?” But reframes it for marriage. In other words, why should someone marry me? What do I bring into a marriage? Am I bringing my will, or am I bringing God’s will? Am I bringing a “what can he do for me” attitude or a what can I do for him attitude? Am I bringing baggage from the past, or am I bringing hope and new life? Am I bringing drama, or am I bringing peace? In which areas do I still need to grow?
- “How do I find him?” God actually answered this question before I asked it. Song of Songs 1:8 says, “If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.” I’m still trying to figure this one out. (If you have any ideas, drop them in the comments.)
There’s been a lot to unpack and there will be more, but I feel like this all makes me really grateful for God’s timing in my life and His encouragement to me. In the meantime, I’m growing, I’m trying to be patient, and I’m praying for my future husband. I’ve also been praying the last part of Genesis 24:7: “He will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.” Abraham is saying this to his servant who is leaving Canaan to find a wife for Isaac in Mesopotamia, Abraham’s homeland. I’ve been praying for God to send His angel before me as I walk this path toward marriage.
Are you still waiting? What has God shown you about your future spouse? Have you asked Him? If not, I encourage you to ask Him what you should be looking for (His list). Maybe it’s a shepherd’s heart, or maybe it’s the heart of an apostle or prophet; we all need different things. Have you asked God what you should be doing to prepare for marriage? Maybe you’ve asked God questions, but your questions are different from mine. I’d love to hear what you’ve asked God so far as it applies to your future spouse. Maybe your season of waiting is not about marriage. Maybe you’re waiting for healing, the salvation of a loved one, a job promotion, or something else. Drop me a comment, I’d love to know more about your season of waiting. If you need encouragement, I highly recommend this song.