It was about 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning in early September 2018. A sharp pain on the surface of my skin woke me up. I took my hand and felt down to where the pain was. There was a nasty bump forming. I went into the restroom and tried to get a good look at it in the mirror. The bump was getting big and turning hard and red. It looked and felt like a spider bite, which wasn’t unusual considering I lived in a basement apartment at the time. But this one was weird. I went back into my room and looked for the spider or insect that had bitten me, but I couldn’t find it. It was then that I felt something evil in my room. I hope you don’t think I’m being overly dramatic, but I don’t know of another way to explain it. The evil wasn’t touching me, but it was present. Eventually, I went back to bed.
It bothered me over the next couple of days, and I went to see my medical provider. She said that it was just an insect bite, but maybe it was a bit infected, and she gave me an antibiotic. Well, I don’t really like to take antibiotics unless I absolutely have to, and I thought it was silly to take it for a slightly red insect bite.
A few weeks later I started having weird symptoms. I’ve always struggled with weakness and fatigue, but the fatigue and weakness became so bad I could hardly get out of a chair. Sometimes I crawled up the stairs to the main floor of the house. I started having joint pain, muscle pain, and random shooting pains in my body. The brain fog was so bad I could hardly think and process information. I had a hard time remembering things and focusing. Eventually, I had a laundry list of symptoms typed up in my phone.
This was around the same time I had been spirit-filled and just started attending the church I go to now. My spiritual life (and therefore everything else) was just starting to get back on track. But Satan was on the warpath.
Over the next five years I went from doctor to doctor to doctor trying to get a diagnosis. Each provider had a different answer—Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, candida, vitamin deficiencies, thyroid issues, Lyme Disease, bacterial infections, etc. I was on just about every antibiotic that had ever been created, I was on herbal tinctures and handfuls of supplements. I did acupuncture and tried CBD, ozone therapy, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, even color therapy, and sound therapy. I was told to wear blue because it promotes health (or something). Listen, before you judge me, I was desperate.
I had never had my physical health so completely taken from me before. I mean, I had had physical illnesses and even surgery before, but those things were easily diagnosed and mostly treatable. This illness was different; it was like having the rug pulled out from under me. There was no simple answer.
Of course, many, many prayers went up on my behalf. Every time there was a call for healing at church I went up to the altar. I also attended a healing room, and my colleagues and supervisors were incredibly supportive. (It has been beautiful to see how my church/ministry community has stood with me through all of this.)
But, in January of 2022, I asked the Lord why I was still sick.
His response was surprising, “Because you have a story to tell.”
At this point, I had felt for many months that I should start a prayer/support group at church for those struggling with chronic/terminal illnesses. I had not rushed to obedience concerning this idea and was just kind of sitting on it. After this conversation with the Lord, I knew I needed to start the group. On the night of the first meeting, a woman who I didn’t know sat next to me and I could tell she was suffering. We went around the group sharing about ourselves and our illnesses. When it was her turn, she burst into tears and wept for most of the meeting. She had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, stage four (the same my mom had). The doctors had given her very little hope. She found our group on Google and drove many miles to attend.
I thought, Oh, so that’s what you’re doing Lord.
That little group lasted for a few months and then its time came to an end. But even though it was only for a short season, I’m so glad God did it. I still talk to that woman and she’s still fighting the cancer with everything she’s got and still has faith for her healing despite the suffering she experiences. I spent some time at the hospital with her last night and we discussed the things I wish I had talked to my mom about (end of life fears, death, last wishes, etc.). It was a beautiful time together and I’m still praying and believing for her healing.
Many times over the last several years of my own healing journey, I have thought about John 10:10 when Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Satan is our very real enemy. He will do all he can to steal from us and take things away, sometimes even our very lives. But this chapter goes on to say, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:27-28). Jesus is bigger than any weapon that could be formed against us, and none of them will prosper (Isaiah 54:17) because we have the ultimate victory through Jesus Christ—eternal life.
I want to end this blog by quoting someone who is much wiser than me in these things. I was listening to a teaching on suffering yesterday, the quote below incapsulates the part I believe will bless you the most.
He is the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3) that you need for the suffering you’re going through. God likes to get a lot of mileage out of everything; and I looked at this Scripture in Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” When I’m in a trial I only see the timing of that trial, but I don’t see the big picture of how I could come out of that trial and really be blessed. But God says, “The big picture is that it’s going to be beautiful in the end.” He’s put eternity in my heart, which means I can hold on and hold fast—this is temporary because I have eternity. He is saying to us that he’s a God of all comforts. He has a comfort tailored specifically for the type of suffering you’re going through. In time, it’s going to work for your good (Romans 8:28).
—Marilyn Hickey.
I will write another part to topic this later; but for now, I’d love to hear your stories of healing, having something stolen, or anything else that you found relatable in this post. If you need prayer, don’t hesitate to contact me at hello@sarahgrace.blog.